The (Burger) King and I

Have you seen this man? Last spotted putting extra cash in pockets.

That's what it says on the Burger King take-out bag shown below. Certainly my attention was captured -- enough so that I had to learn more about this curious new promotion. Thus I entered the local Burger King with both hunger and optimism, equally lured in by the whiff of flame-broiled Whoppers and the promise of a cash give-away.

The King and I have faced off before. Sometimes I leave victoriously, and other times the King gets the best of me. This would be our first showdown in 2009.

A burger was had during my visit. It was broiled up just right, fulfilling my usual expectations. But would The King grant me the extra cash, or would I leave empty-handed? Leaving empty-stomached, at least, was not an option.

Despite the blurb on the bag, I can undoubtedly confirm that NO EXTRA CASH was added to my pockets on this occasion. In reality, my nemesis The King absconded with six bucks from my wallet in exchange for a Double Whopper meal. Sure there was cheese and bacon for an extra fee, and the requisite french fries and Dr. Pepper stood by in a supporting role. But let's not kid ourselves -- the cash, MY cash, was gone!

Minutes later, as the smoke cleared from the broiler, The King smirked with folded arms from behind the counter. In the aftermath I felt more like the shards of my own cast-off lettuce than the victor in a great battle. Full but defeated, I crumpled my burger wrapper in preparation for a deposit in the nearby trash can. Today's victory, including my six dollars, would go to The King. Or so it seemed.

Perhaps the joke was on him, as he was left holding the onions. Yes, I'll cling to that until next time.

Watch out King! I will return.